One year ago today, at 9:41 a.m., a squishy, pink, screaming little boy with a bum heart came into this world and changed my life forever. Needless to say, it's been emotional reflecting this week on the events happening one whole year ago in this family... yesterday while my kids napped I re-read my whole blog, reading about the day Caleb was born and the crazy days that followed, and each time I read about one of those glorious "ups", and excruciating "downs", fresh tears rolled down my cheeks. What was perfect was that Caleb woke up while I was reading and I went and held him and just cried and cried and then suddenly burst into laughter because I was totally overwhelmed with joy. I'm sure it was a very strange way to wake up from a nap, with his mother having an emotional outburst, but in a sweet and perfect way, as if he understand what was happening, he started laughing right along with me and then like a little miracle, Caleb started clapping as if he knew that we had SO MUCH to celebrate and that really that's what his crazy mommy was trying to communicate. It was precious. I just squeezed him and kept laughing and crying and we sat like there for quite a while until baby boy had had enough already and wanted his bottle, thank you very much. I think this is the most I've ever laughed and cried at the same time, but there's no other response I can think of that fits better how I feel today. We have gone through so much in the last year, so much hurt and disappointment and fear and pain... and yet here Caleb is, one year old, growing into a little boy who is sweet and joyful and getting bigger (and more mischievous) every day. I am bursting at the seams with thankfulness today. I am so convinced that God is REAL and that He is GOOD... and not just because He has kept Caleb alive, but because He was so obviously with us in those dark days. He is good because He is present, He's with us, lifting our heads and giving us strength that couldn't have come from anywhere else. What a day! What a day to celebrate and laugh and cry and be amazed at this crazy life we've been given!
Can I ask you a favor? As if I haven't asked you for more than I can ever thank you for... your prayers, encouragement, and support are greater gifts than you'll ever know... but I have one special request on this special day. I want Caleb to know how many people have been following his story, how many people have prayed for him and thought of him. Would you take a moment to write something to him? Please, whether it's a response on this blog, a message to me on facebook, an email to kakinnaird@hotmail.com, anything you want to say long or short, just take a minute and tell him that you've prayed for him. I am going to print off all the messages and posts that come in and keep them in the box of things from this year. Send a message to Caleb and let's overwhelm him with the amount of people who love him! If you have ever said a prayer for my little boy, please take a moment to let him know that, and when he's older, we can show him your precious messages. It can be your birthday gift to him.
Happy Birthday Caleb! You and your heart are a gift to me more precious than I'll ever be able to tell you. You have made me a stronger, wiser, more humble woman and I love you more fiercely than you will be able to understand, until hopefully someday God blesses you with your own children. I am praying for you today, that God gives you many, many birthdays, and that you will not only have a strong heart that keeps amazing us all, but that you will have a spiritual heart that loves God with everything you have. You have a beautiful story to tell and I pray that God will use your story to help others see Him and His love. I love you, baby boy.
Have you ever seen the end of first Terminator movie, when they're trying to kill the Terminator and he just won't die? You know how they blow his legs off, but then he just keeps dragging himself around the floor on his elbows? That's totally what Caleb looks like when he "crawls". He doesn't really use his legs, just drags his little self around the house like a paraplegic. It's unconventional, but it thrills me that he is on the move, even if he does look like the "Toominator", as Jonah says. (He obviously doesn't know who we're talking about.)
We had a chaotically fun Christmas; Daniel and I agreed it was our best ever now that we have two kiddos. Jonah got his heart's desire, a new combine, and Caleb has eaten probably two total pounds of wrapping paper in the last month. Gross. The child wants nothing to do with baby food, but give him a piece of paper and he'll suck that baby down. Speaking of eating, we've made major progress on that front. For months, Caleb would barely let us feed him baby food. The doctor thought he probably had an aversion to having things put in his mouth, which made sense given all the meds he takes and the times he's had to be on a breathing tube in the hospital. I was afraid he was going to be only drinking formula for the rest of his life! Then lo and behold he discovered finger foods, and suddenly he's a pig. He'll eat ANYTHING, as long as he can pick it up himself. So he's gaining weight and staying chunky. See evidence below.
Things are pretty calm in the Kinnaird house... relatively speaking. Two things we are looking forward to in the next month or so are Caleb's first birthday (WOW) on January 27. This will be a huge celebration for us! The other thing we are looking forward to is Caleb's next cardiac appointment on February 9. We are hoping and praying that his overall heart function has improved, because it has been weak since his last surgery. We are really hopeful for good news. It would be amazing to have an entire appointment with only positive news. We haven't had one of those in ages, so pray with us, if you would, that Caleb's heart will grow stronger and stronger in these next few weeks.
I hope you're having a happy new year! I've got to go break up an altercation involving accidental hair-pulling. :)
