Sunday, October 21, 2012

Transparency



A friend of mine recently described being a mom like this: the days are long but the years are short.  Somehow fall is rushing by and my sweet boys are getting bigger whether I want them to or not.  Caleb is walking and talking and Jonah is turning 4 this week and I guess that's what happens when you have kids.  

So I'm almost through my big transition of "stay-at-home mom" to "working mom" and it has been a whirlwind, to say the least.  This routine is starting to feel normal, and I'm finally coming to terms with the fact that I don't win the award for Mom Who Can Do It All and Make It Look Easy.  Working moms, I'm on to you.  It's a total farce that women can work and be a mom and wife, and keep their house sparkling, and cook delicious, healthy meals and still have a social life, exercise and volunteer... unless you stop sleeping altogether.  Or clone yourself.  I'm learning that I just need to be ok with the state of my house.  When I have the choice of building a fort with my boys or washing the dishes, I'm gonna choose the fort every time.  Maybe this comes easier for some people.  I'm super hard on myself and it's been rough for me.  But it's settling down and we survived the first couple months and no one has suffered any catastrophe, unless you count almost having to wear a bathing suit for underwear when the laundry had piled up.  (And I didn't even have to because I found some old underwear in the back of my drawer that hadn't fit since before Caleb was born.  Victory all around!)  

The last few weeks have reminded me more than ever why I'm committed to being a transparent person, especially as a follower of Jesus.  I'll be honest, when people have asked me lately how I'm doing with my new job and routine, I have given the Super Mom answer sometimes ("It's great!") instead of being honest and saying that while I love my new job, and feel totally sure that this is what God has called me to do for this season of my life, I feel so overwhelmed sometimes.  I want to say it's a breeze, because I want to be a strong woman in everyone's eyes, including my own.  But God's been nudging me more and more when someone asks how I'm doing, reminding me how important it is to be truthful and real.  And I know why that's so important... because nobody feels like they can admit to being weak when everybody else seems tough.  I'm so not tough right now.  I feel weaker than I've ever been.  God keeps reminding me that it's when I am overwhelmed and weak that HIS strength is the most obvious.  If I was capable of handling everything on my plate, what room is there for God to come in and do His thing?  So it's been a great time for me, not because I'm seeing how strong and capable I am, but because I'm seeing how limited and weak I actually am.  Thank you, Jesus.  Thank you for helping me understand that it's so much better to be weak than to be strong.  And help me to be an encouragement to my friends, to encourage them that we aren't the strong, competent people we want to be, but that we're really helpless without You.  And that's a good thing.  So be encouraged with me, fellow weaklings.  Let's wear our weakness like a badge of honor, knowing that we are just pointing people to the ONE who is the Rock, our Strength and Shelter, Jesus!

2 comments:

  1. Katie, welcome to a new reality. :) This past weekend I had to buy a baby gift for a friend and just ended up getting a case of wipes and stuck a recycled bow on top and had to admit to the friend organizing meals that I would not be able to help. This really meant coming to grips with who I am and who I can be in this season of life where I can't shop for baby gifts let alone hand-knit a new blanket and can barely make meals for my own family, let alone someone else's! It's funny that no one else seems to have a problem realizing and accepting that I'm a finite human being... except for occasionally me! :) - Amy R

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  2. Your transparency is beautiful. A friend of a friend sent me your blog because our own Sylvie was born with a heart defect in January. We have survived the surgery and recovery and she is doing so well. God be praised!! I am catching up on your blog, praying for you and tearing up as I read about your journey. To me, I find it amazing that God led you to work outside the home and nudged you toward transparency right before Caleb's pending transplant. I remember feeling so desperate and nearly crazed, asking people--some perfect strangers--to pray for us. I am so weak! I so easily worry and I needed help. But, we have learned the beauty of walking in dependence, the power of prayer, and the strength of the Body of Christ. God is so so good. I am praying for you! I know the PICU, the third floor waiting room, the Heart Center so well...In some ways, not all, I know where you are walking, and I am praying for you! (you can find our journey at www.quillquips.com)

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