Thursday, February 7, 2013

Wonky Clay

Why can't my kids remember the things I want them to remember, and forget the things I wish they'd forget?  Today I had a Mommy Failure: I took Jonah on a date to Chick-fil-A and I thought it was adorable that he was singing along in the back seat with me... until I realized the lyrics he knew, word for word, were, "So if by the time the bar closes, and ya feel like falling down, I'll carry you home tonight."  Oops.  Guess I need to pay more attention to what I'm listening to.  What is the deal?  The kid can't remember to wash his hands after he poops, but he can remember every word to a fun. song?  (Oh, people over 40, and Tiffany Thompson, fun. is the name of a band and not a punctuation error on my part.)  

I've been trying to spend a lot of time with Jonah lately because I think this is all finally getting to him a little bit.  He's been ok for the most part, but he's started saying he's scared of the dark, and he falls apart when I tell him "no", and he generally just wants to be where his parents are.  Basically, he's just tired and wants to go home.  And he doesn't know how to communicate the way this all affects him.  I'm proud of him, though.  He has been a rock star these last few months.  Needing to give him a little more attention is certainly not the worst problem to have.  

And speaking of problems, are you sick of hearing about mine yet?  Because I sure am.  I'm so ready to write the blog everyone is waiting for, the one with some great news.  I want to write a blog that says everything is wonderful and easy and Caleb got a new heart and our family never had any more struggles again, the end.  Except that no one would read that, because it would be boring... I know that because my most pitiful blog posts are always the ones that get the most hits.  

But I digress!  I say I'm tired of thinking about my problems, but the truth is, I don't sit around thinking about "my problems".  Lately I try not to think about much of anything.  And God has been whispering in my ear about this.  It is so much easier to just enjoy some mindless magazine whenever I actually get a chance to sit down and relax.  Last night I tried to do that, just zone out, and God brought to mind a little passage in the book of Jeremiah.  It's a passage that He has brought to my mind 2 or 3 other times in my life, and always during times when I know God really wants me to pay attention to Him.  In Jeremiah 18, God tells Jeremiah to go down to the potter's house and watch the potter at his wheel.  So Jeremiah goes and the guy is sitting at his potters wheel making something out of clay.  While he is working on his piece, the clay gets wonky (the Katie Kinnaird version), so the potter scraps what he was making and starts over, making something different this time with that same bit of clay.  And while Jeremiah is watching this, God speaks to him.  God says (again, the Katie Kinnaird version), "See what the potter is doing?  See how he had a plan for that clay, but as he was making it, the clay got wonky so he started over?  He changed the clay into something completely different than what he started out with.  That is what your life is in My hands.  I may have great plans to use you and bless you, but My plans for you are not set in stone... they can change depending on how you live and the choices you make."  

See, I'm trying to turn my mind off, but God keeps reminding me to turn it back on, to re-engage and not float through these days.  He keeps saying to me, "Don't waste this!  Don't waste these days when you could mine them for gold!  Don't get wonky when I'm trying to work with you!"  This is my biggest struggle right now, and how I deal with it will determine whether I get to the other side the same old me, or whether I come out of this a changed woman, a woman who has something to say and something to share.  A woman who is strong and wise and whose roots go waaaaay down deep.  Help me, Lord!  Help me to press in to You and to listen to what You want to say to me!  Help me to turn away from the false comforts around me and turn to You.  I want whatever your Plan A is for me.  I want the plan that involves me knowing you more than I ever have.  Help me to do what it takes to see your greatest blessings come to be.


17 comments:

  1. Love you, Stink! You're a rock star, too! A little wonky at times, but who isn't? You amaze me...

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    1. Alyssa Marie BennettFebruary 9, 2013 at 4:07 PM

      Same Here!(:

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  2. Bless you Katie ! You always seem to give me something "special" in your messages just when I need it ! I often try to control things myself and they just seem to get "wonky"!! It is when I turn it over to HIM and say " Show me the way" that it all comes out more complete ! Amazing how things work out when we listen, huh? LOL
    Continued prayers for all of you sweetie ! ....
    Tracy K.

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  3. Well there you go again giving me just what I need to hear in my "moment"! I see those "ripples" going out and out in the pond of people you touch through your journey~God is being heard (wish I could underline that word) by so many! Today as I read this I realized that 2 years and 2 months ago when I first met with Pastor Jerry about my "journey" he said "Pam you have to meet Katie"~it was God's plan. I continue to stand amazed. Thankyouthankyouthankyou for being exactly who you are~Love you all, Miss Pam

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  4. You don't know me but praying for you and your family! May God bless and keep you

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  5. A friend posted your blog on facebook. I have been praying for Caleb. The heart center at Riley is amazing. Dr. Turrentine fixed my daughters heart last March and I am forever grateful. She was only 3 months old at the time. Grace, our favorite heart center nurse was a blessing to our family each day. I pray that Caleb gets his heart soon. I know how emotional it is, and what a struggle living in the hospital does to a family. Stay strong...from one heart mom to another! If you need to talk or need anything feel free to shoot me an email!

    Courtney
    courtneybeyers@yahoo.com

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  6. Katie, you are the most amazing person I have ever met!!!!I pray for you all, all the time. I can't tell you how much your strength has helped me and probably many others. Love you and your family soooo much. We will continue to pray and trust that God will provide that heart soon. hugs hugs and more hugs....

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  7. God is good and He will see your family through. In reading your blogs you are giving me strength. I pray for all of yoe every day

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  8. He will not put more on you than you can handle! May god bless you!

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  9. Katie, I am praying for your family. God is amazing, and He is certainly using you to impact many people. I pray for continued strength for you as you continue this journey and of course for Caleb.

    Debbie Hicks

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  10. Alyssa Marie BennettFebruary 9, 2013 at 3:59 PM

    Katie, Jonah, Daniel, and Caleb, We pray for you every second, minute, and hour. We miss you sooo much.. Tell everyone We said Hi!(: We hope to see you soon. Love you..

    Alyssa, Arianna, Keith, Rhonda, Madison, Mason

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  11. Hello. I was made aware of your little boys sickness through my work place from someone that is related to you and I must say I look at your blog about once a week to see how he is doing and honestly tear up every time I read it as I to have children that are your kids age and couldn't imagine what you are going through. I just wanted to ask you though if you were able to update the blog with more photos of him as his smile brings me happiness. Makes me think about the the problems that I have and that they aren't anything compared to what he is going through and yet he smiles through them. Thank you and I look forward to reading again.

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  12. Hey there! A friend tweeted me your blog today, and I just wanna join the rest of these amazing followers in prayer for you guys! My son Daylen is also 2 and living with half of a heart, he has his last major heart surgery to go through this summer. I can't imagine what you guys are feeling with what you have been through but I know the struggles and emotions of being a heart mom with a miracle child! <3

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  13. I am praying for your son as a mother of a Caleb and a daughter of a heart transplant recepient. My father was born with a heart defect that was not discovered until he had a heart attack because of a seeping aneurysm in one if the heart values. The defect is herritary and my uncle also has the same defect. My father had the valve replaced but then again discovered he was allergic to heparin which cause another bleed behind the heart. The night before the was discovered by a resident however nothing was done until the next day when he stroked and had another heart attack. The only option was to place a RVAD and await transplant. Three months later our miracle occured from a fifteen year old boy named Josh, who at the time of his greatest gift to our family, was the same age as my son Caleb. The doctors are still amazed by my father because he should not have survived. March 4 marks his 8th heart birthday! Although it is the most difficult path you will ever walk, God has his reasons and the day will come when Caleb will receive his gift of a new heart. I will pray for you all!
    Heidi McAninch

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  14. I saw this site on Facebook and it brought back so many memories...my daughter also was born with a heart condition and went into heart failure when she was two. She is a Riley kid. They transplanted her in 2010 on my birthday .. I showed her this video and she told me to tell u she is praying...she was 2 n half when she got it she just turned 5. She's a miracle. We're all praying. U
    R strong

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  15. Hi Katie I just wanted to say I hope Caleb gets his heart...Katelyn Newell his buddy is my step daughter and is also at riley awaiting a heart transplant. I'm glad that you and Robin can keep each other company cause I know it's hard on her and idk how she does it but she does. Prayers Chastity

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