The days are long but the years are... also long. Wow, waiting is a really hard place to be sometimes. It's getting harder and harder to muster up some joy and energy. I know the right things to say when people ask me how I'm doing. And I really don't want to bum people out by telling them that I just don't want to be here right now, that I really just want to be home enjoying my Christmas tree and watching Christmas movies like everyone else. I miss being a family together. Jonah's feeling it too. When we prayed together before bed the last night he was here, which was last Thursday, he said, "I just want to pray that Caleb gets better so we can all go home." I hear ya, buddy, don't we all.
On the positive side, we've been here so long that I'm pretty sure Caleb either doesn't remember our home or just doesn't think about it anymore. He has stopped asking to "go bye-bye" and has just accepted that this is where we live. I realize that's a good thing because at least he is content and not sad about being in the hospital. He has become amazingly accepting of all the things doctors and nurses do to him... he even will mimic what the doctors do by trying to do the same thing to his stuffed dog, Artie. When the nurse gives Caleb medicine, Caleb gives Artie medicine. When the nurse cleans Caleb's dressing on his arm where his PICC line is, Caleb wants an alcohol wipe too so he can clean Artie's arm. It's pretty stinking cute. I'm thankful he is accepting his reality better than his mommy is right now.
We have no idea when Caleb might get a heart. It could be today, it could be in March. Please, God, don't let it be in March. Or if we're going to be here until then, help me be strong! I joined a facebook page for heart transplant families and one of the moms told me yesterday to remember that these days are not days for waiting, they're days for living. I guess that's what you can pray for me right now.
1- Pray for us to have perseverance. Pray for us to be strong and steady and endure these days with patience.
2- Pray for us to be disciplined to spend time with God, to look to Him to fill us up when we are depleted.
3- Pray for a heart to come soon!
Love to you all!